Redneck Medical Dictionary

* Artery......................The study of paintings.

* Benign......................What you be after you be eight.

* Bacteria....................Back door to cafeteria.

* Barium......................What doctors do when patients die.

* Cesarean Section............A neighborhood in Rome.

* Catscan....................Searching for Kitty.

* Cauterize...................Made eye contact with her.

* Colic.......................Unruly hair .

* Coma.......................A punctuation mark.

* D&C........................Where Washington is.

* Dilate......................To live long.

* Enema.......................Not my friend.

* Fester.....................Quicker than someone else.

* Fibula......................A small lie.

* Genital.....................Non-Jewish person.

* G.I.Series.................World Series of military baseball.

* Hangnail...................What you hang your coat on.

* Impotent....................Distinguished, well known.

* Labor Pain..................Getting hurt at work.

* Medical Staff...............A Doctor's cane.

* Morbid.....................A higher offer than I bid.

* Nitrates...................Cheaper than day rates.

* Node........................I knew it.

* Outpatient..................A person who has fainted.

* Pap Smear..................A fatherhood test.

* Pelvis......................Second cousin to Elvis.

* Post Operative..............A letter carrier.

* Recovery Room...............Place to do upholstery.

* Rectum.....................Darn near killed him.

* Secretion...................Hiding something

* Seizure.....................Roman emperor.

* Tablet......................A small table.

* Terminal Illness............Getting sick at the airport.

* Tumor.......................More than one

* Urine.......................Opposite of you're out

* Varicose...................Near by