IMMUTABLE RULES OF GOLF

Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.

A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.

It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50 foot putt when you are lying 10.

Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting

him to make fun of his own haircut.

Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

It's not a gimme if you're still away.

The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight

line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

There are two kinds of bounces: unfair bounces, and bounces just the way

you meant to play it.

You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of

the time.

Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple

bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay

up just short of a water hazard.

To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the speed of his

back swing by his handicap. Example: back swing 30 mph, handicap 20, downswing

600 mph.

There are two things you can learn by stopping your back swing at the top

and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which

one is wearing the glove.

Hazards attract; fairways repel.

You can put slice on the ball, you can put hook on

the ball, but no golfer can put straight on the ball.

A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is

in the bunker.

If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.

Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.